The Chinese Hustle

The Chinese are the only people in the world that I am aware of that can be in a hurry and move slowly at the same time. I have coined this “The Chinese Hustle”. There are multiple instances in which the Chinese display this very unique quality. On the way home from Sanya, the self-proclaimed Hawaii of China, we were sitting about halfway back in the coach cabin. The plane was just about completely sold out since we were traveling during a Chinese holiday. Counting the two of us, there were probably four non-Chinese people on the plane. Since we had checked our golf clubs we weren’t in the biggest hurry in the world to get off the flight. As the flight was preparing to land I noticed quite a bit more commotion than on a typical US airline. Some people were getting baggage down and putting it under the seat in front of them. Others were shouting to travel companions in other rows. A few were even preparing for what appeared some sort of race. Little did I realize that my wife and I were the only ones NOT PREPARED to exit a discount Chinese airline. Mere seconds after the flight touched down, almost every non-westerner on the flight was unbuckled, had retrieved their luggage and was waiting in the isle way. The stewardess had not even welcomed us to Shanghai and informed us that we could use our cell phones and there was already people pushing their way to the front of the plane. Since they do the Chinese portion of the PA announcement before the English I thought all the Chinese people may have been informed of some imminent catastrophe – recall that we are flying a discount Chinese airline. To my relief there was no imminent danger. Everyone was just really eager to get off the plane.

The Chinese people’s necessity to get off the plane did not seem so odd until my wife and I actually got off the plane. Once off the airplane, the same people that pushed their way to the front of the plane started doing everything in their power to make the rest of their journey take as long as possible. The first group of people were waiting by the gate for a luggage cart (even though their suitcase had wheels). Granted we were somehow relegated to the very last gate in the furthest terminal from the main entrance even though we were obviously the only flight landing at 12:30 AM, but their luggage had wheels. The only benefit that they were receiving is that they could now push their luggage instead of pull it. This seemed strange to me, but since they weren’t in my way, I chalked it up as a head-scratcher and let go. My tolerance for the inept ended with this group. Since the Pudong airport terminal is quite long, the airport was nice enough to put in moving walkways along our path. Only problem was, the walkways were been treated like the Millennium Force at Cedar Point. There was genuine excitement about approaching the walkway. People seemed a bit nervous about “riding” the walkway. This caused a bit of back up at the entrance as people were amazed that they could move without walking. And move without walking was just what they did. Stacked two by two with their luggage carts serving as an extra blocker, this group of people made it impossible for anyone to actually walk on the left side of the walkway. After the first one, my wife and I gave up on the walkways. We managed to pass about 150 of the 160 people that passed us while pushing their way to the front of the plane as it deplaned by just walking at a normal pace beside the walkways.

The final 10 people were passed while picking up our luggage. For those of you unfamiliar with air travel, everyone’s luggage comes out on the same carousel. It doesn’t matter if you are in first class, business class, the pilot or the person stuck next to the guy who should have bought two tickets, but didn’t. Your luggage comes out when it comes out. I know this because I have traveled in all of those situations and can tell you that just because you get a “priority tag” on your bags does not mean your luggage is coming out first. Apparently the concept of a carousel that moves around in a circle with two doors is lost on these people. Instead of finding a comfortable place against the rail in which they could easily grab their luggage as it comes by, they were standing four to five people deep as close to the gate the dispenses the luggage as possible. The ones that weren’t crammed there were chasing their luggage to the other gate with a look of fear in their eyes that if the bag made it to the gate before them, then it would be lost forever. Lucky for me my bags came out pretty fast and I was on my way. Probably 20 minutes before the 150 people still riding the walkways and 10 minutes ahead of the people chasing their luggage around the carousel. (Editor’s note: this activity is common worldwide among all non seasoned travelers)

“The Chinese Hustle” is not just limited to people returning from holiday. I get to see a version of this every day at work. This happens any time I am required to switch floors at the office. I have no idea where the stairs are or if I can use them because they are not labeled. I am pretty sure this is a fire hazard, but no one seems worried. I have asked my colleagues who have worked in the building for many years where the stairs are. One response was, “you know what, I have no idea”. The other said that they didn’t think our badges allow us in from the stairwell. Point being is that everyone takes the elevators. These elevators are nice enough to give us a warning as to which one will be coming to pick us up. However, the only people that this benefits are the people that have no concept of waiting in line. Normal people would determine who was waiting first and then let those people on the elevator. Normal people would not all stare at the lights above the elevator to make sure they can be first to board elevator. Chinese people are not normal. A good portion of these people need to be first onto an elevator, immediately push the door close button, and refuse to move to the back to let others in. Instead, others that want to get on afterward much push the doors open and squeeze to the back. The last set of people decide that the “18 persons max” sign inside is merely a suggestion. More typically they are able to fit over 25 people in these rather small spaces.

I guess I have gotten used to the elevator ride process. I am used to being in contact with between three and six people during each ride. I do still check for my wallet and cell phone after getting out, although I am pretty sure that no one in China is going to pick pocket me in the elevator of the office. What I will never get used to is the urgency that people need to get into elevators and then the lack of urgency that they have immediately following the departure of the elevator. This is particularly evident at lunch time. During lunch it can take two to three elevators for one to come with enough room in it for our group to enter. Once we arrive at the bottom it is almost as difficult to get out. People are loitering in the small elevator lobby. Granted that some are probably waiting for their friends, but even once they arrive they tend to move at a snail’s pace. The places we go for lunch are not far. No more than three or four blocks. But if you talk to anyone from another group, they will tell you that it is a “15 minutes walk”. Now I am not going to be in any Olympics to represent the US in speed walking, but it certainly doesn’t take me 15 minutes to walk no more than a couple hundred yards. However, I have learned from experience that these people are correct. It does take 15 minutes for them to get there. It is because they move at pace that can be best described as a leisurely crawl. For all the time they saved by cramming 25 people into the elevators and repeatedly pushing the door close button, they have given back within the first 10 steps they take outside the building. Just another example of “The Chinese Hustle.”