World Expo 2010- Shanghai

Readers back in the US likely have no idea what the World Expo is or the fact that is being held in Shanghai this summer. I certainly had no idea before I came. The World Expo is the current version of the old "World Fair", which honestly I only vaguely remember from an episode of the Simpsons. I also highly doubt that any Chinese citizen had ever heard of the Expo until Shanghai was awarded it and the marketing campaigns began. Either way, Shanghai is well on its way to setting the two records that they set out to smash when they began planning the event: (1) Largest area used (2) most people to attend. In terms of size, China has already won that title as the Shanghai Expo site covers 2 square miles. This is significantly larger than any previous Expo. The currently record holder for most attended World Expo is Montreal, Canada with 50 million people. That record will be smashed at the current pace of 400,000 – 500,000 people per day that the Chinese government is reporting. Although, I am not sure I trust the Chinese government's weather forecast, let alone a self-serving report of the number of people that are going through the turnstiles. Either way, the point is the Expo is huge in China and very crowded.

A couple weeks back me, my Dad and a friend of ours decided to brave the elements of a Shanghai summers eve (and the crowds of 400,000 Chinese people) and head over to the Expo. The Expo is a bit expensive for an entire days pass (about $28), but the price drops about $10 for an evening ticket (after 5 pm according to the website and 4 pm according to the signs at the ticket gate). Thus, we decided to skip out of work at 4 pm one Friday and press our luck.

Every local person in Shanghai appears to be an "expert" when it comes to the Expo. Everyone has advice on which gate to use, which lines are worth waiting for, how you can avoid the lines, which pavilions have no lines, etc. Funny thing is, these experts seem to differ on every one of the topics just mentioned. The result was we really didn't have much of a plan prior to the event. The only thing we knew for sure was that only special taxis are allowed into the expo drop off areas. Thus, we had my Dad's driver call a special cab for us. We decided to take the advice of a colleague of mine and use Gate 5. She said that this was the only gate that was on the Pudong side that was not near a subway stop or bus stop. Therefore, it should be much less crowded. She was right. We walked up, bought our tickets and made it through the queue in about 5 minutes. We were encouraged to see that just as many people were leaving as were coming. Raising our hopes a little that the 4 hour lines we had heard about may not exist on this day.

Our hopes were soon dashed as we walked past the Saudi Arabia pavilion. Commonly known in Shanghai as the 2nd best pavilion after the Chinese pavilion, this line was rumored to be 4-5 hours on most days. As we walked past the line, we noticed the sign that said "approximately 3 hours wait from this point". As people were still piling up after that point, we realized that our hopes of seeing the most popular pavilions were probably crushed. However, we were encouraged that this line was only two thirds as long as it usually is. Thus, we figured we might be able to see a couple of pavilions that are on the "moderately popular" list.

The list of places that were worth seeing and had small lines included: Malaysia, Indonesia, and the South Pacific joint pavilion. Since we entered in the Asia/Middle East region, we decided to start with a pavilion there and make our way "across the world" over to Europe. First stop: Nepal. Positives were that the line was short. The negatives were that there were no Sherpa to guide us and really not much to see inside. Thus, we took a quick spin through and decided that our tour of Asia would come to an end.

Based on the recommendations and the fact that South East Asia and the South Pacific pavilions are located between where we started and where we were going, we headed over to the South Pacific joint pavilion next. This pavilion was basically a combination of small island nations including places like Fiji, Tahiti and Bora Bora plus about 10 islands I had never heard of. The best part about this pavilion was A) it was air-conditioned, B) it was empty and C) you could play the game "guess how many people live there" or "guess what the highest point of elevation is". One island only had 1,000 permanent residents and a highest elevation point of 5 meters. Who knew?

After our "tour" of the South Pacific, we wandered over to the Malaysia pavilion. Again, no waiting. Two for two on the advice of places to see. This pavilion was a bit disappointing. It would have been really cool if all of the stuff that they had inside was working. Unfortunately, either nothing was on or everything was broken. The golf simulator was collecting dust, the touch screens with mini-movies were barely functioning and the simulated jungle left a lot to be desired. It was air-conditioned and there was a very small line.

About this time we decided that it was time to get dinner. We were told that the Australian pavilion had Aussie BBQ. We were lied to. However, we didn't learn that until after we got the "non-Asian people" treatment. As we approached a worker from the Australian pavilion to inquire about the food options, he asked if we had been inside yet. We said we hadn't, but were looking for the Aussie restaurant. He asked where we were from, to which we responded "The States". He said that was close enough and escorted past the 2+ hour line of Chinese people to the front door. He left us with a "enjoy the show mate!" The show was a weird combination of a movie and statues and a bunch of other stuff. It was based on three kids talking about the future. Although two of the three were clearly not Chinese, they decided that the kids all spoke fluent Chinese. Thus, I was left reading the English subtitles and recognizing every 3rd word being spoken. It was a decent show, probably not worth the 2 hour wait, but since we didn't have to wait, it was one of the highlights of the trip. The food at the pavilion was not. Instead of a restaurant there was basically a fast food window. They were serving Aussie burgers, meat pies, and fish and chips. One of us had each. The burger was reported as average at best, the fish and chips weren't memorable, and the meat pie was the size of a king-dong. See the movie, skip the food.

Our tour of the South Pacific and Southeast Asia was coming to an end. We decided to head toward the UK pavilion and check out any pavilions that looked interesting on the way. The UK pavilion had been rumored to be one of the coolest ones to look at from the outside. The reason being is that they were supposed to have translucent tubing filled with seeds from all over the world protruding like spikes from a ball in the center. Thus, it was on our list of things to see. On the way over there we stopped at Finland, Romania, Greece, Iceland and Ireland. Finland, Greece, Romania and Ireland had no wait. They were all worth walking through, but certainly not worth waiting for. The Iceland pavilion had probably a 30 minute wait because the pavilion had a 15 minute movie that was shown on the inside of all six sides of the pavilion's cube shape. We managed to skip the line as an employee entrance to the cube happened to be open and we were in the right place at the right time. The movie was really neat and probably worth the wait anyways. It was certainly a highlight of the evening. As we left the Iceland pavilion we realized that we had just visited two pavilions (Iceland and Greece) that probably had no business being at the Expo since their countries are basically bankrupt. Iceland definitely did a lot more with their limited funds than Greece did.

We had finally made it to the UK pavilion. We were extremely disappointed. By this time the sun had set and most of the pavilions had very nice lighting to showcase their pavilions. UK was not one of these. What I had described before was almost impossible to see in the evening. There was no backlighting or spotlights or anything that would even remotely display the uniqueness of the architecture of the pavilion. The line was still very long, so we passed on waiting to see something that we could barely make out from a distance. Instead we headed over to the Netherlands and Spain (which was playing each other in the World Cup finals that next Sunday). Based on the pavilions alone, we decided that Spain was going to win. There pavilion was much more impressive and finished with a two story moving "Baby of the Future". Very strange, but very intriguing.

We wrapped up our day with a quick trip through the Monaco pavilion and some Belgium beer and waffles. All in all it was a good evening and changed my attitude towards the Expo. It is a place that you can go to keep yourself entertained for a day. It is probably best to skip the lines and see places that you have never been (or never plan on going). On my next trip I would like to see the African pavilion, Indonesia and venture to the Puxi side to check out the corporate and city pavilions.

Hong Kong and Macau p.1

Jeff had a work training in Hong Kong this past weekend, so we took this opportunity to check it off our list of places to see along with Macau. Now Jeff had about 50 places he wanted to see in a matter of a weekend. I was not quite sure how we were going to accomplish this, but was up for the ride. My only request for the weekend was to go the Wonderfish Spa to get a foot treatment given by little Garra Rufu fish that nibble on your feet to get the dead skin off. More on that later . ..

Sunday is reserved for Macau and we didn't put too much thought into how long the commute to get there could take. Besides for the one hour ferry ride, you still have to clear immigration since you are departing Hong Kong and this is a huge tourist trap so travel time to get to our first casino was about 3 hours. I had made the executive decision to skip all site seeing and head straight to the casino. The site seeing we were missing out on was of Portuguese style cobblestone streets leading down from a ruined cathedral. We were informed later on this was probably a great decision and we were better off just going to Portugal some time in our life.
The following will probably only makes sense to those of you that gamble and play blackjack but all of you can take from this that the casino was quite an interesting experience.

We took the free shuttle to the City of Dreams casino and after a quick look around we decided to grab a free spot at the $100 table(we are talking Hong Kong $). This is equivalent to the $10USD tables that sometimes arise at the MGM Detroit. For those of you that play blackjack you can probably recount the times you get irritated by a few people who have no idea what they are doing sitting down at the table that you silently curse as they refuse to take their hits (not so silently if your name is Jeff). If this really gets to you then avoid walking into a casino in Macau. However, for the entertainment value I highly recommend taking a seat. The few first things that we learned is there is a whole new set a rules in Asia. Talking on your cell at the table, taking notes and betting on other peoples hands were all allowed here. People that don't know or want to play can still lose their money by betting along with you. If you have a stack of chips and just hit a blackjack you can be sure someone is going to plop their $100 chip right behind yours. Since we do not speak Cantonese and the dealer seemed okay with this, we decided just to let it go. There is also an option to bet on getting a pair at 11-1 odds. While the odds are definitely not in your favor, many people enjoy this bet and we saw one lucky girl win over $4000 as she kept hitting pairs on different peoples hands. The other thing we learned is that Chinese people were in favor of fortune telling instead of statistics when playing. These people would rather see the dealer make his hand instead of busting early taking their hits. I am not sure that any person ever hit on a 16 and a 15 hit was agonizing. The man in the last seat would make every decision with the same grueling thought process as if he was deciding to take a loved one off life support. It did not matter if the dealer had a 3 or a 10, this guy seemed to want to will the cards to be the right number. Sometimes people would take their hits to the safe 17 and disappointed to see the next person get a 2. "I could have had a 19!" That is what I am assuming they yelled next in Cantonese. We were entertained but decided to go try our luck at the new Hard Rock table upstairs. Since there was a completely free $200 table, we thought we were better off there. We couldn't have been more wrong. As the dealer drew to 20 and 21 on the next 5 hands, Jeff quickly lost all his money and I was lucky to push a few times so I was just down. We decided to escape from this money pit.

Feeling inspired from parts of 'Indecent Proposal' which was on the night before I decided I had a feeling for red and told Jeff we should bet the remaining $600 on roulette. Of course, he was game for this and we found an open table. The dealer looked very confused as I set it all down on red. It became apparent that most people don't roll this way in Asia and he asked us if we wanted the chips to spread our bet. I declined as Jeff quoted the scene where Woody Harrelson loses all his money on red. I refrain from smacking him and stick with my bet. Red it is and we are almost back to even! It is hard to pull yourself away when you hit a big bet but we decide not to push our luck this time and head over to the Venetian. There is really not much to say about it. It is sub par to Vegas, the table minimums were higher and Jeff almost managed to lose his wallet in the pooper. I decide I hate it and we head back to the City of Dreams. I hear the $100 blackjack table calling our names again. A few hours later we walk away with an added $2000 HK, expenses paid and we got to spend the day in air conditioning. Definitely a win in my book. Jeff decided he would like to open a casino only open to the Chinese sometime in the near future.

Nipples and Pajamas

A strange phenomenon happened right around the beginning of the Dragon Boat Festival in Shanghai (June 16^th). All of the sudden, every Chinese male in Shanghai decided that looking decent in public was no longer required. I started noticing this on the weekends when we were strolling around town. We live in a part of Shanghai referred to as “The Old City”. In this area some of the more traditional Chinese locals live and they are the biggest offenders. There are no Salvatore Ferragamo stores, no Western Steakhouses and no “acceptable” clothing on the Chinese males. At best, you will get their 1960s style full length pajamas – think pajamas from the show Mad Men but more ridiculous. At worst, the men are only wearing boxer shorts. Now you might be thinking that these people might just be running to the corner store for some a quick trip to get some eggs or milk. You would be wrong. These people are destined to spend the rest of the day roaming the streets of Shanghai in their pajamas, bare-chested or in their underwear.

There are essentially three types of outfits that the Chinese males like to showcase in the summer time. The first is the 1960s pajama look. This outfit is typically a light colored full length sleeper suit. A low cut V-neck is complemented by a set of overly large buttons down the front. The matching pants are neatly pressed, but a little warn. It is only missing the nightcap, that I can only assume goes on when they are inside. However, this has been replaced by the “Sun Umbrella”. This outfit has typically already been worn in previous summers, so there are the inevitable sweat stains on it. This is the classiest of the Chinese summer wear. There is no nipple exposure and a relatively remote chance that anything else private will be exposed accidentally. Compared to the other outfits, these “gentlemen” look like they are wearing their Sunday best. This outfit is typically seen on the middle aged Chinese male.

The second outfit that the more elderly Chinese men prefer is the dress pants and no shirt look. On extremely hot days this outfit may include a nice pair of shorts instead of the slacks. This is probably the most disgusting of the outfits, but the one I understand the most. I get it. Your old and you don’t give a damn anymore. It is hot and you aren’t wearing a shirt. It doesn’t matter that you have breasts, are overweight and are in the streets of a very large city. You have a Mahjong game to play with your buddies and you need to be as comfortable as possible. It is tough to concentrate on kongs, pungs and chows when you are sweating out a shirt. It is still gross and I still give them a dirty look when they make eye contact. Seriously man, at least wear a bra! You are scaring the Westerner’s children.

The last outfit was just introduced by the young Chinese males this past weekend. While we were coming out of the bar after watching Holland shock Brazil, we stumbled across a group of five Chinese young adults wearing nothing but their boxer shorts. Mind you it was 38 degrees Celsius (100 Fahrenheit) with 90% humidity. But still, boxers only? The buddy I was with commented, “Damn, I remember my shirt and shorts tonight”. The crew spoke English better than we had suspected, but chose not to pursue the comment since they were only wearing underwear. Since this occurrence I have seen at least three other groups of young males hanging out with only their boxer shorts on. Some are walking the streets, others are huddled around card table gambling, and some are sleeping in their fruit stands. It is bizarre, but goes completely unnoticed by any other locals.

There are a group of males that don’t think the pajama/boxers/topless look is acceptable. Instead, they implement the “Chinese Air-conditioning”. Apparently, I didn’t realize that if you are super hot and it is super humid out, all you have to do is roll up your shirt and neatly tuck it under your breasts to expose your midriff. This way your belly can breathe freely and you won’t get hot. Or at least that is the only rationale that I can think of as to why the males that aren’t dressed inappropriately have decided to walk around with their guts sticking out. I know what you are thinking – Chinese people are skinny so it can’t be that bad. Again, you would be wrong. I read an article today that said 10% (or 300,000,000) of the obese people in the world are Chinese. THREE HUNDRED MILLION! I have to assume at least 80% of the remaining obese people are American, but at least they wear shirts – usually. I am not sure which is worse: wearing pajamas all day, wearing dress pants with no shirts, wearing just boxers, or rolling up your shirt to your nipples. Thoughts?

The most amazing part to me is how nicely the women in Shanghai dress in comparison with their male counterparts. Every one of them is wearing either a nice dress, a skirt and a blouse, trendy shorts or something similar. They seem un-phased by the inappropriately dressed males that accompany them. There are no disparaging glances, smacks to the back of the heads, or any indication that the men’s attire is unacceptable. How can one gender be so well put together and the other so ambivalent to the way they are perceived?

Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures to share of this phenomenon. So you will have to take my word for it – for now. Maybe I will take the camera out one day this weekend and try and snap a few pictures of the insanity that is summer attire in Shanghai.

The Just Joking Price

Note – for sake of this article I am going to use RMB, or Chinese Yuan, to quote prices. The exchange rate is approximately 6.825 RMB to 1 USD. As you will see below, doing the conversion is not necessary, and is actually ill-advised during the negotiation process. This will certainly lead you to pay too much as you justify that it's only $20, when in fact you should be paying $10).

Everything in China is negotiable….and I love it. Well, not everything, but most things. For example, our fully furnished apartment was listed for about 2,000 RMB a month more than we ended up paying for it. We were also able to get the following thrown in during the negotiation process:

1. Ayi service twice a week (basically like a maid)

2. Two-year membership to Will's Gym (similar to a LifeTime Fitness)

3. Free internet and satellite cable (although it sucks)

4. 300 RMB a month allowance to use on utilities

5. Waiver of building management fees

6. A water dispenser, a water purifier, an oven, a sofa bed, and linens for the beds.

Even my local colleagues said we got a pretty good deal. Usually that is followed by "for a westerner". In this case it wasn't.

We certainly would not qualify as expert negotiators, nor do I think we are always getting the local's price for goods. However, when it comes down to the last 5 RMB, you have to make a decision on whether it is worth your time and effort anymore. On more than one occasion, my wife has been told "you very tough customer" or ”you no live in Shanghai one month – you too good". A Chinese friend of mine has told me that this is the ultimate sign of respect. I tend to agree. The Chinese love to negotiate and respect those that demonstrate some skills in the art. The first key to being a good negotiator is being certain of what you plan to buy. Window shopping at these markets is very difficult and annoying. Any indication that you may be remotely interested in something they have to offer will result in you being harassed by people from that stand and every other stand in the area. Thus, you have to know what you want, what you are willing to pay for it, and how many different locations will carry the desired item. All three of these factors will determine the price you will ultimately pay. If you are not firm on any of them, then you will likely walk away feeling like you just got robbed… because you did.

Here is a brief overview of how the negotiations at the markets go. Let us pretend, for sake of the discussion, that we are going to buy a handbag. Not a cheap, 20 RMB hand bag. But a good quality, labels stitched on, leather hand bag.

1. Size up the competition. First are foremost, the first store you pass is probably not the place you will end up making your purchase. This is because you need to determine how many places are competing for your business. The retailers already know this. Unless you take a spin through the market, then you will have no idea. If you are looking to buy golf equipment and there is only one store, then you are kind of stuck. If you are looking to purchase a bag and there are 100 bag stores, then it is game on.

2. Determining their bottom line is essential. Regardless of what the retailers tell you, they will not sell their product at a loss. I have not figured out how they can keep track of the prices of 200 different bags, but they can. It is fascinating to me. The best strategy to determining the bottom line is going into a place that you have no intention of buying their goods. This retailer is your test market and you will only offer a ridiculously low price for the bag you are trying to buy. The key is to stick to that very low price and determine how closely they are willing to come to it. For example, they may ask for 1200 RMB. You should counter with something in the neighborhood of 50 RMB. You certainly aren't going to accept their price and they won't accept yours. But, now they realize that you are actually going to negotiate. For this first retailer though, you aren't really negotiating in good faith. They are just the retailer that you are determining what you should pay for the bag. Stick to the 50 RMB throughout the process no matter what. They will make multiple offers, usually with the assistance of a calculator, and will ultimately come down to somewhere in the neighborhood of 10% of their original price quote. For sake of argument, let's assume that price is 150 RMB. You simply ask them "best price"? They indicated that it is. And you find out if that is true by thanking them and starting to leave. If they let you go, then you know it was their best price. If they shout out lower prices, then you know they would still be willing to go lower. Store this little nugget of information in the back of your head.

3. Building long term relationships is very important. Now that you know the rough price that the retailers are willing to accept, it is time to start the real negotiation process. Much like any good business in the States, building strong relationships with customers for local Shanghai retailers is essential. They all have business cards that describe the products they sell with their "name" one them. Their name is usually something like "Penny" or "Pearl" or "Starlet" or "Jewel". I am pretty sure if I could read Chinese, then the other side of the card would say something entirely different. Either way, they want you to know who they are and they will remember you. Especially if you paid too much. They will always ask you to bring your friends and spread the word about their shops. We already have a "golf equipment guy", a "DVD lady", a "bag lady", a "tie girl", an "electronics guy", and "Jason the Tailor". This is our network of people that we do business with. These people are spread throughout numerous markets in greater Shanghai. Once we determine the price for what we are looking for, we find our go to person and the negotiations begin. So, in our bag case, we go to "The Bag Lady", or as her card says, "Junny – AAA in market best quality bag shop".

4. Have a price in mind. For our example, we asked the previous retailer for 50 RMB. We negotiated down to 150 RMB and before we started walking away. Let us assume that they called out 140 RMB as we did this. Thus, we know there is room to go at least a little lower. My price point is 100 RMB for this deal. Not a single Yuan more.

5. Work the relationship angle. So, when Junny greets us at her shop front we exchange some pleasantries. She recognizes us because we have been here before and brought friends on other occasions. The relationship has been established. On the bag of Junny's card we have our notes from the last transaction. Simply put: "Good bag = 130 RMB". After exchange pleasantries – mind you my Chinese is terrible, and her English is limited to her ability to sell her products – we get down to business. I describe what I am looking for. She says "I have, I have" and escorts me through a wall that looked just like any other part of her shop two seconds ago. She doesn't stop there. A quick knock and a push on another wall and we are in the 3^rd stage of "quality". This is my sweet spot. I am not in the market for the really nice stuff in the next room. I just want to get a nice bag, which is well made for my wife. So I check the goods. It looks similar (if not better) than the first place. In reality they all probably come from the same back room. But I am convinced it is nicer! I ask how much. She knows I don't fool around, so I don't get the ridiculous 1200 RMB price the first place quoted. I get the more realistic price of 600 RMB.

6. Use a little Chinese. "Tai Gui Le!" is my immediate response to her quote of 600 RMB. This would have been my response no matter what she said. It means "too expensive". It is one of about eight phrases I know in Chinese. Junny knows the game so she asks me my price. I decline. I ask her for her "best price" instead. "Ok, Ok" and she types 300 RMB into the calculator. That is a price I can start negotiating from. I counter with my standard 50 RMB. It is my "go to" number in any instance when I expect to pay 100 RMB or more. 20 RMB is my "go to" number for anything that I expect to pay less than 100 RMB for. I don't have the nerve to make it 10 RMB….yet. Junny looks at me like I offended her. "50 RMB to low, I need more". Don't we all. I tell her, "50 RMB all my Tai Tai let me spend." I am not sure why I do this, but I feel like if I speak terrible English, then these people will understand better. It is idiotic, but I can't help myself. And it seems to work. She laughs at this. She says, "OK, OK" and types in 200 RMB. Not exactly what I was expecting. She is playing hard ball today. I got to my nest best trick, the good old "She said". This is where you quote another stores price. In my instance, I have done my homework, so I have a real price. This is not necessary though. There are so many stores and you are in a back room with a stranger that as long as your price isn't below their "cost", then they will believe you. Thus, I tell her (again in terrible English), "upstairs price was 140 RMB, I go back if you no beat". This gets a very stern look. She isn't giving in that easy. She says (and they always say), "Special day, today only, for you my friend 150 RMB". See, I told you we were friends! I ask to see the merchandise again. I pick out a flaw and show it to her. Now let's be honest. I couldn't tell you the difference between any two designer bags, but she knows it isn't real either, so she doesn't argue. You can really pick out any "flaw". Maybe the stitching is a bit different or the label isn't quite right or the strap is supposed to be longer. This tactic results in the price I was expecting her to come up with, the 140 RMB that my test market yelled out as I walked away.

7. Don't show your hand too soon. Notice that I have not changed my original price in this whole exchange. This is an important point. As soon as you start moving up, then they realize this is something you really want. There is no going back once you move off your original price. I finally offer my second price, 75 RMB (I am fully expecting to pay 100 RMB). She tells me again that she cannot do and tells me "a little more". I don't think she will sell this bag to me for 75 RMB. If I did, then I would pull the last trick right now. Instead, I ask her for her "last price". She doesn't want to come off 140 RMB, but she can tell I am not paying that price. She thinks for a minute and says, "OK, OK, 120 RMB, last price". This is when….

8. You always pull the walk away. Under no circumstance should you ever skip this step. It is critical. As soon as she gives me her "last price". I say, very politely, "no thank you" and start to leave. My arm is immediately grabbed to keep me from leaving. I pull away gently and tell her that I cannot do 120 RMB. She begs and pleads a little and I tell her no. As I am about to leave the last of the secret rooms, she pulls on my arm a little harder and says. "100 RMB, only today". I have found my price, and I am willing to pay it. I pretend like it is a hard decision, agonize over it a bit, and end up asking her "a little cheaper". She says she cannot. I am tired of this charade at this point, so I say "Ok, but don't tell my wife. It is a special gift." We settle up on the 100 RMB. She tells me to tell my friends, but not to tell them the price. For those keeping score at home. The original price for the bag was quoted at $175 USD. I paid $14.65. And I probably got ripped off.

I thank Junny for the bag. Tell her my wife will love it. And update Junny's card to say "willing to take 100 RMB". We will see just how far down I can get her from the "Just Joking Price" next time.

Softball and Drinking Games – American Pastimes Played Proudly in Shanghai

When I was packing to move to China I had to make some hard decisions on what to take with me and what to leave home. I decided that is was a good idea to bring my wife, my golf clubs and my Slingcatcher. I figured these were things I probably couldn't live without. However, since I was moving to China I didn't think that most of the things that I enjoyed back home would be available. Thus, I decided to keep my softball gear and hockey equipment locked up in storage. Since I have never seen a Chinese male playing hockey and didn't think that baseball was very popular, I figured I would have to live without these western sports while I was here. Boy was I wrong. Not only is there more than one competitive softball league, there is also a hockey league. Both of which are free if you end up on a team with a generous sponsor. Alternatively, you can probably by a Chinese orphan for the same price as a round of golf at a decent course. My point is that I made a terrible judgment in terms of which leisure activities I should plan to participate in once in China. Since I have no access to my storage unit for the next two years, I had to buy all new softball gear and likely won't be able to play hockey.

I was fortunate enough to get hooked up with a really cool softball team within my first week in Shanghai. We are sponsored by an expat bar called Malone's. Not only do they pay for the league entry fees, they also provide a bus to the game, a cooler full of beer, a case of water, sub sandwiches at the game, and ½ off food before or after the games (or both) at Malones. I feel as though this may have compromised my amateur status as free beer and food must certainly count as compensation. It is certainly better than any support we have received from a sponsor back home.

The league we play in is called "The Shanghai Softball League". There are former college ball players in it, a couple of Taiwanese teams, a few Japanese teams, and a bunch of expats that just like playing ball and drinking beer on Sundays. It is a lot of fun and very well organized – except for the Chinese umpires. Think Jim Joyce or a World Cup official, but every third call. The best part about the umps is that they refuse to admit they are wrong and will not ask their partner for help. I have been told that it has something to do with Chinese culture and not losing face. However, I think they are just assholes and enjoy pissing off expats – which is actually kind of funny. Thus, the bad calls usually result in an expat that speaks little to no Chinese yelling at a Chinese ump that speaks less English, but is wearing an "ump shirt" that says "It's the LAW!". Surprisingly, I am not the one who is usually arguing as I take little pleasure out of yelling at people that can't understand me. It sort of defeats the purpose in my mind. Now once my Chinese gets better…

Thankfully, the best teams in the league are all mainly comprised of American expats. Although the world has passed us in many aspects of society, beer league softball is certainly not one of them. Each of the good teams in the league also has similar sponsorship deals to the Malone's. Some even have established slightly offensive "cheers". Typically these cheers pick fun at someone in the league or something that has happened in the league since its inception. My personal favorite cheer is from the Longbar Beerbarbarians. According to legend, the Chinese wife of a player in the league used to run a hotdog stand at the fields each Sunday. She would fire up the stand early in the morning and sell hotdogs, chips, sodas, beers, and other ballpark faire to the players and spectators. On one such Sunday, her husband CJ (and league commissioner at the time) decided that he was going to treat the umps to a free hotdog while she took a trip to the bathroom. A nice gesture, given the fact that the umps had certainly blown no less than 20 calls on the afternoon. When the "owner" of the hotdog stand came back and realized that she was missing six hotdogs and did not have any Yuan in exchange she was furious. She questioned CJ as to the location of the missing hotdogs. He openly admitted that he had given the missing dogs to the umps free of charge. This resulted in her grabbing a set of tongs and chasing CJ around the parking lot yelling "Why you f*ck my hotdogs!?" Thus, the Longbar team gather around their dugout before the game and echoes her statement "Why you f*ck my hotdogs!?"

This league also has the insight to do events outside of Sunday softball. One Saturday afternoon the league – free of charge – organized a "Pub Crawl Olympics". Each of the five primary expat bars that sponsor teams in the league hosted an event. The pub crawl started at a local brewery with boat races, traveled to Malone's next for Tequila 301 (darts), then went to a dive bar for beer bong, followed that up with Liar's dice at the Longbar, and finished with speed pool at an expat sports bar. Drinks for all events were included free of change and each bar ran 2 for 1 specials on drinks for everyone. A bus to take us from bar to bar was even included (and stocked with additional beers). Since the first event was a team event all four members of my team had to participate. The first round was held by timing how quickly each team of four could finish 8 beers. The strategy was each guy had to get two beers down as quickly as possible for a total of 8. I am proud to say that the Malone's accomplished this feat in under 10 seconds and earned ourselves the top seed in the finals. The finals consisted of the top three teams doing a boat race. In a very closely fought contest we ended up winning the silver medal, literally. The organizer had made medals for 1st, 2nd and 3rd for each event.

Each of the four team members that participated in the boat race was then tasked with participating in one of the following four events. Since I suck at pool and had no idea how to play Liar's dice (at the time), I was assigned to Tequila 301. This game is played just like 301, but you had to do a shot under the following circumstances: getting a bull's-eye, missing the board, and making the finals. I grew up with a dart board in my basement and used to be pretty decent. However, I hadn't thrown a dart since I could remember. Thus, my goal was to miss the board as few times as possible. I figured that I had little chance of thrown a bull's-eye and I was going to be surprised if I made the finals. Since the game was played at Malone's, I was determined to be the home team. Thus, I got to watch the first four competitors shoot prior to me having to play in the second round. The finals would be determined by the three competitors that needed the fewest darts to go backwards from 301 to 0, doubling out. The first set of four competitors had mixed results. One guy finished in 13 darts and another in 40. The other two contestants both threw over 100 darts (and did about a dozen shots) before doubling out. Thus, my confidence level grew a little bit. The second round included me and two other teams. I figured I needed to get fewer than 40 to have a chance. Although I finished in 43 darts, it was two better than 4th place, thus I made the finals. Surprisingly, I didn't miss the board once, but somehow managed a double bull's-eye. Thus, I was two shots deep (one for the bull's-eye and one for the making the finals) entering the finals. I ended up finishing a predictable 3rd against two players that were significantly better than me, but was happy to represent Malone's with a second medal.


Our beer pong player won the Malone's their 3rd medal with a silver medal performance. However, we end up finishing second in the medal count as we were unable to win medals at Liar's dice or Speed pool. Although this may sound like a unique event in Shanghai that happens occasionally, we have since determined that stuff like this happens quite often. There is always some bar running some special or contest and there are always expats flocking there. Just one more reason that if you don't look hard enough you will never realize you live in China.

Shanghai is also the location of a number of international softball tournaments. A group of guys from the league will be representing Bubba’s Texas Barbeque in a “Cash and Free Beer” tournament July 10th and 11th. This tournament has teams from across Asia and is paying out 10,000 RMB to the winners, as well as all the beer you can drink while at the fields. Cost to me? You guessed it, zero. Bubba’s is picking up the tab since the owner is our pitcher. Not a bad deal.

For those are you that are interested, the fall season of softball starts at the end of August and the Malone's are looking for a few good players. For those of you looking for teaching jobs, the American schools here are all looking for English speaking teachers at most levels and subjects. The pay is good and they cover your housing. Most of the Malone's are teachers, so I can get you in contact with people in the know if you are interested.