Softball and Drinking Games – American Pastimes Played Proudly in Shanghai

When I was packing to move to China I had to make some hard decisions on what to take with me and what to leave home. I decided that is was a good idea to bring my wife, my golf clubs and my Slingcatcher. I figured these were things I probably couldn't live without. However, since I was moving to China I didn't think that most of the things that I enjoyed back home would be available. Thus, I decided to keep my softball gear and hockey equipment locked up in storage. Since I have never seen a Chinese male playing hockey and didn't think that baseball was very popular, I figured I would have to live without these western sports while I was here. Boy was I wrong. Not only is there more than one competitive softball league, there is also a hockey league. Both of which are free if you end up on a team with a generous sponsor. Alternatively, you can probably by a Chinese orphan for the same price as a round of golf at a decent course. My point is that I made a terrible judgment in terms of which leisure activities I should plan to participate in once in China. Since I have no access to my storage unit for the next two years, I had to buy all new softball gear and likely won't be able to play hockey.

I was fortunate enough to get hooked up with a really cool softball team within my first week in Shanghai. We are sponsored by an expat bar called Malone's. Not only do they pay for the league entry fees, they also provide a bus to the game, a cooler full of beer, a case of water, sub sandwiches at the game, and ½ off food before or after the games (or both) at Malones. I feel as though this may have compromised my amateur status as free beer and food must certainly count as compensation. It is certainly better than any support we have received from a sponsor back home.

The league we play in is called "The Shanghai Softball League". There are former college ball players in it, a couple of Taiwanese teams, a few Japanese teams, and a bunch of expats that just like playing ball and drinking beer on Sundays. It is a lot of fun and very well organized – except for the Chinese umpires. Think Jim Joyce or a World Cup official, but every third call. The best part about the umps is that they refuse to admit they are wrong and will not ask their partner for help. I have been told that it has something to do with Chinese culture and not losing face. However, I think they are just assholes and enjoy pissing off expats – which is actually kind of funny. Thus, the bad calls usually result in an expat that speaks little to no Chinese yelling at a Chinese ump that speaks less English, but is wearing an "ump shirt" that says "It's the LAW!". Surprisingly, I am not the one who is usually arguing as I take little pleasure out of yelling at people that can't understand me. It sort of defeats the purpose in my mind. Now once my Chinese gets better…

Thankfully, the best teams in the league are all mainly comprised of American expats. Although the world has passed us in many aspects of society, beer league softball is certainly not one of them. Each of the good teams in the league also has similar sponsorship deals to the Malone's. Some even have established slightly offensive "cheers". Typically these cheers pick fun at someone in the league or something that has happened in the league since its inception. My personal favorite cheer is from the Longbar Beerbarbarians. According to legend, the Chinese wife of a player in the league used to run a hotdog stand at the fields each Sunday. She would fire up the stand early in the morning and sell hotdogs, chips, sodas, beers, and other ballpark faire to the players and spectators. On one such Sunday, her husband CJ (and league commissioner at the time) decided that he was going to treat the umps to a free hotdog while she took a trip to the bathroom. A nice gesture, given the fact that the umps had certainly blown no less than 20 calls on the afternoon. When the "owner" of the hotdog stand came back and realized that she was missing six hotdogs and did not have any Yuan in exchange she was furious. She questioned CJ as to the location of the missing hotdogs. He openly admitted that he had given the missing dogs to the umps free of charge. This resulted in her grabbing a set of tongs and chasing CJ around the parking lot yelling "Why you f*ck my hotdogs!?" Thus, the Longbar team gather around their dugout before the game and echoes her statement "Why you f*ck my hotdogs!?"

This league also has the insight to do events outside of Sunday softball. One Saturday afternoon the league – free of charge – organized a "Pub Crawl Olympics". Each of the five primary expat bars that sponsor teams in the league hosted an event. The pub crawl started at a local brewery with boat races, traveled to Malone's next for Tequila 301 (darts), then went to a dive bar for beer bong, followed that up with Liar's dice at the Longbar, and finished with speed pool at an expat sports bar. Drinks for all events were included free of change and each bar ran 2 for 1 specials on drinks for everyone. A bus to take us from bar to bar was even included (and stocked with additional beers). Since the first event was a team event all four members of my team had to participate. The first round was held by timing how quickly each team of four could finish 8 beers. The strategy was each guy had to get two beers down as quickly as possible for a total of 8. I am proud to say that the Malone's accomplished this feat in under 10 seconds and earned ourselves the top seed in the finals. The finals consisted of the top three teams doing a boat race. In a very closely fought contest we ended up winning the silver medal, literally. The organizer had made medals for 1st, 2nd and 3rd for each event.

Each of the four team members that participated in the boat race was then tasked with participating in one of the following four events. Since I suck at pool and had no idea how to play Liar's dice (at the time), I was assigned to Tequila 301. This game is played just like 301, but you had to do a shot under the following circumstances: getting a bull's-eye, missing the board, and making the finals. I grew up with a dart board in my basement and used to be pretty decent. However, I hadn't thrown a dart since I could remember. Thus, my goal was to miss the board as few times as possible. I figured that I had little chance of thrown a bull's-eye and I was going to be surprised if I made the finals. Since the game was played at Malone's, I was determined to be the home team. Thus, I got to watch the first four competitors shoot prior to me having to play in the second round. The finals would be determined by the three competitors that needed the fewest darts to go backwards from 301 to 0, doubling out. The first set of four competitors had mixed results. One guy finished in 13 darts and another in 40. The other two contestants both threw over 100 darts (and did about a dozen shots) before doubling out. Thus, my confidence level grew a little bit. The second round included me and two other teams. I figured I needed to get fewer than 40 to have a chance. Although I finished in 43 darts, it was two better than 4th place, thus I made the finals. Surprisingly, I didn't miss the board once, but somehow managed a double bull's-eye. Thus, I was two shots deep (one for the bull's-eye and one for the making the finals) entering the finals. I ended up finishing a predictable 3rd against two players that were significantly better than me, but was happy to represent Malone's with a second medal.


Our beer pong player won the Malone's their 3rd medal with a silver medal performance. However, we end up finishing second in the medal count as we were unable to win medals at Liar's dice or Speed pool. Although this may sound like a unique event in Shanghai that happens occasionally, we have since determined that stuff like this happens quite often. There is always some bar running some special or contest and there are always expats flocking there. Just one more reason that if you don't look hard enough you will never realize you live in China.

Shanghai is also the location of a number of international softball tournaments. A group of guys from the league will be representing Bubba’s Texas Barbeque in a “Cash and Free Beer” tournament July 10th and 11th. This tournament has teams from across Asia and is paying out 10,000 RMB to the winners, as well as all the beer you can drink while at the fields. Cost to me? You guessed it, zero. Bubba’s is picking up the tab since the owner is our pitcher. Not a bad deal.

For those are you that are interested, the fall season of softball starts at the end of August and the Malone's are looking for a few good players. For those of you looking for teaching jobs, the American schools here are all looking for English speaking teachers at most levels and subjects. The pay is good and they cover your housing. Most of the Malone's are teachers, so I can get you in contact with people in the know if you are interested.