Zhu part 2

Guest written by Jeff, edited by me (probably poorly!)

My Dad has no idea what his drivers name is. For the first two weeks in Shanghai, neither did I. My Dad told me that his driver's name was "Show Joe". He said that the Show part was an indication that the driver was younger than him. Since he is older than me, my Dad said that we probably should just call him "Joe". Thus, being the little ducklings that we are, my wife and I called the driver "Joe" for the first two weeks we were in Shanghai. One day on the way to work, the driver said "Jei Fu?" – which is my Chinese name that only he uses. It is usually followed by a question that he wants to ask me. So I 'politely' respond, "Yes, Joe?" Joe counters with, "My name is not Joe". There was no sense of anger or disappointment or frustration. It was just a matter of fact. His name is not Joe. And in fact his name is definitely not Show Joe. He went on to tell me his name is Zhu. This is pronounced "Joo" or "Jew" with a slightly different "J" sound. Thus, for roughly two weeks I had been butchering this guy's name and had no idea. I also learned that what my Dad was trying to call his driver was Xiao Zhu, or Shao Joo. This basically means "Mister Zhu" for someone that is younger than you.

Mister Zhu is crazy. The best way to describe his driving style is maniacal. The lines painted on the roads, the colored lights that are hung at intersections, and the signs lining the side of the roads do not apply to him. A while back Shanghai implemented "no honking" rules. Apparently the honking was so out of control that it was becoming a nuisance. As a result, the Chinese drivers have learned a new tool: the high beams. There are different uses for the high beams. A quick click or two to a motor bike or pedestrian is an indication that "I am not stopping, so you better". Multiple clicks to another car in front of you typically means, "you are driving too slow, get out of the way." The solid high beam for an extended period of time is easily translated to a prolonged extension of the middle finger. Mister Zhu is an expert at all of theses and blends them in nicely with a horn that must be exempt from the "no honking" rules. He has also mastered the art of driving with hands firmly positioned at the horn and highbeams so there should be no delay in their use. These actions typically result in numerous snickers and giggles from my wife and I when we are darting through traffic. No alley is too small. No biker is ever safe. Any usually people tend to get out of his way. His best "trick" is the left hand turn from the middle lane. I have named in the "sweep, stop and block". You need three things to pull this off successfully. First, zero patience. Second, zero regard for your vehicle. Finally, a huge set of jewels. The move goes like this:

1. Approach an intersection that you intend to turn left from as far right as you can get.
2. At the last possible minute (usually aided by another car trying the same trick), do a lane sweep and stop in the intersection. It is very important that you block the first car in line to actually turn left. Otherwise you may have to fight to get onto the one lane road that you plan to turn onto.
3. Once a small break in traffic clears, tap your horn and flick your lights to announce your successful left turn from the right lane.
   

The result is usually about 30 seconds saved, no less than 20 ticked off people, and a big smile on Mister Zhu's face.

Mister Zhu performs tricks like these all of the time. Usually they result in nothing more than a glare from the other motorists. However, on the way home from work the other day Mister Zhu found himself in a bit of a pickle. Traveling down a two lane road along the Pudong side of the Huangpo river, Mister Zhu was facing a Wuling that couldn't quite go as fast a Mister Zhu would have liked. Thus, Mister Zhu started with the quick flick of the lights. He followed this up with the horn and multiple flick combination. This still did not move the driver from the center of the road. After trying twice unsuccessfully to use the bike lane to pass, Mister Zhu resorted to the extended high beams AND long horn blast. This was the first time that this action was required to get our S-Max through traffic. This resulted in the man in the Wuling from stopping about 100 meters short of the next intersection very fast. Since we weren't exactly leaving this gentleman a ton of room, we slammed on the brakes to avoid rear ending him. Luckily we stopped just in time. While I was putting myself back into the seat that I started at before the sudden stop I noticed that a gentleman was now outside of his vehicle yelling and pointing at Mister Zhu. Mister Zhu had just enough courage to roll down the window far enough that he could shout back, but not quite far enough to let in any objects – such as fists. I have no clue what was said during the exchange, but it did result in the man getting back into his car begrudgingly. Once inside he decided to drive even slower and essentially swerve to ensure that no one could pass him on either side. Mister Zhu tried oncoming traffic twice and the bike lane twice to no avail. Thus, he resorted to falling back a couple of car lengths and informing me that "That guy is crazy".

Editors note: Although Zhu drives a little crazy, I stand by my original assessment that you do not feel unsafe with him as he usually does not drive very fast. On our recent trip to Sanya, I was quite relieved when we and anything in our way was not harmed on our return trip to the airport. The go cart like taxi we were in narrowly escaped cutting off bikes, cars and buses. I had to close my eyes a few times as I thought we were definitely going to run over an innocent bystander. The only time I would be happy with this driver is if we were on ‘The Amazing Race.’