Head, shoulders, knees and toes...

Recently my work decided that they wanted to have a healthier workforce. Apparently working 14 hour days, 6 days a week wasn’t conducive to living a healthy lifestyle. Healthcare consultants would probably have a number of suggestions for rectifying this issue. The tax team decided to skip the expensive advice and implement their own idea. Each day at 3 pm the staff line up and do a version of Mousercise. The closest thing that I can relate it to is the children’s song “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. What they do isn’t quite enough to break a sweat, so I am not sure I can call it exercise. It isn’t really stretching either. It is more like an organized game of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. Except that it is being played by very qualified adults…in the middle of the day…at work.

The worst part of this whole charade is that I can assure you that none of the people involved are interested in doing this. The “leader” most likely was told by someone else that he needed to do this. The people that are following the leader feel obligated to as a respect for their superiors. Regardless of the motives, the outcome is hilarious.

Organized “exercise” isn’t limited to the office. Each morning, afternoon, and night there are hundreds of thousands of women gathering throughout the city to exercise. These exercises take many forms. Many of them do tai chi. Others enjoy traditional Chinese dance. But my favorites are the ones wearing matching “Sports Authority” shirts and line dancing to Toby Keith. First of all, where did they find 40 Sports Authority employee shirts? Do they send those to Shanghai when a store closes like they send the Superbowl losing teams “Champions” jerseys to Africa? Secondly, where did they get a Toby Keith CD? Do you think they understand anything he is talking about?

Same, same, but different

Some things in China are exactly the same as the US. Some things are different. Others appear to be the same, but are actually very different.

Things that are the same:

Keeping up with the Joneses – Everyone in China is always comparing themselves to the neighbors. How much do you make? Where do you live? What do you do for fun? Where do you eat dinner? What brands of clothing do you where? What kind of car do you drive? These questions are all asked/thought/discussed on a regular basis. Just like America.

Vanity – I am pretty sure this is the same anywhere on the globe. The only difference is the manner in which an "acceptable appearance" is achieved. While many American's will grind out an hour a day on a treadmill, most Chinese would prefer to only eat once a day for a month. I don't consider that a difference though. Just a different means to an end.

Opinions – "Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks." I think that pretty well sums it up. You might think Chinese people are not allowed to have opinions because of the limited free speech in China. You would be wrong. They all have strong opinions. They just have to share them with you in print.

Things that appear the same, but are very different:

Superstitions – American's have some stupid superstitions. So do the Chinese. The difference is that most Chinese structure their lives around their superstitions. Most often because someone told their forefathers a long time ago that it was what you had to do. For example, women don't get out of bed or wash their hair for 40 days after child birth. Apparently this is to make sure their bodies fully recover from childbirth. No one can explain why they don't wash their hair. Gross.

Capitalism – The Chinese will tell you that they have a capitalistic society. I agree with them, to an extent. I also think that they are much more "capitalistic" in many ways. For example, they don't really believe in intellectual property rights. In free-market capitalism supply and demand reach a point of equilibrium naturally. Thus, trademarks and IP (which are government mechanisms for altering the natural point of equilibrium) aren't really a concept that fits. The Chinese agree and the "stuff that fell off the truck" that I can buy for a fraction of the price of the retail stores are a great example.

Elevators – An elevator is an elevator, right? Well, not in China. They have programmed these things to be death traps. You will never see a Chinese person stick their hand between doors that are closing for fear of losing their hand. You won't see me do it anymore either.

Alcohol – This should serve a warning to anyone travelling to China. Just because the bottle says it is a 30-year-old Macallan, doesn't mean it is. The Chinese have no problem refilling bottles of good liquor with something they cooked up in the basement. Rule of thumb: if it is too good to be true, then it probably isn't true. This isn't limited to liquor. Rumors abound of resold high-end wine and even bottled beer.

Pets – American's love their pets. Chinese love their pets. Same, right? Not exactly. Most American's treat their pets pretty well. The live indoors, get fed well, sleep on comfortable beds, get walks, etc. In China, pets are treated like accessories. Not like the stupid little toy dogs that idiotic women put in purses and carry to the mall or on a plane. Chinese people dye their dogs to look like other things. Pandas: check. Tigers: Check. Circus Clowns: Check. Turtles: Check. Olympic Rings: Check. Google Image search "dyed dogs" for a full image listing. I haven't seen a Tiger or a Turtle on the streets yet, but I have seen a Panda and a circus clown. Ridiculous. Strangely enough, "pets" also include street dogs that people take care of. These dogs sleep on the streets, but come to their "owners" to get fed and washed. The Chinese consider them "their dogs". Although, I am pretty sure if I was a dog I would rather live on the streets, get feed well and get an occasional bath than have someone color my coat like a circus clown.

Refer to every other blog post for other examples of things that are different. This list is much too long and not the point of this post.

We're off to see the Wizard...

I have experienced a lot of “firsts” in China. But none compare to experience we had in Kunming, China over the Tomb Sweeping holiday. During a five day trip to the Yunnan province, we had a day to kill while transferring through Kunming. Besides playing a round at the five star golf resort, there is not much to do in Kunming – or so we thought. While sharing a few pints with the Dutch owner of the only western bar in LiJiang, we caught wind of a place called “Dwarf Village”. To our bewilderment, we were told that this is a magical place where little people live in mushroom houses and put on a variety show twice a day. When I first heard about this place, I thought it was a little bit wrong to exploit little people. However, I figured it was unlikely that I would be passing through Kunming again, so I might as well give it a try.

Getting this place was a bit of a challenge. First of all, the place isn’t advertised on any travel web site or any pamphlets at the airport. Good thing Katie’s Chinese is coming along well enough to communicate with the guy at the tourism desk. She was able to secure us a tour guide for the day and a private trip out to the Butterfly Museum. Apparently the organizers of “Dwarf Empire” got some flack from the international media when they opened the place for exploiting little people. Thus, they don’t really advertise this place anymore. Instead, they have built a decrepit butterfly museum as a guise to cover the real attraction – a real life Smurf village. In any case, the guy at the tourism desk and the driver thought it was hilarious that three Americans traveling through Kunming wanted to go see the Dwarf Empire.

Checking our dignity at the airport, we got in the private car and headed for the Dwarf Empire. About 45 minutes later, we arrived to one of the most surreal places in the world. The “empire” is about 30 little mushroom houses that Chinese dwarfs live in between their twice-daily performances. This performance is a strange compilation of singing, dancing, acrobatics, circus stunts and mini motorcycles rides. The dwarfs that live in the empire truly seem happy to be performers. The ones without the talent to perform have jobs working the gift shops and concession stands. Thus, I think I changed my mind about whether the little people living in the empire are being exploited. I actually think that it might be a good thing for these people. They are giving the opportunity to make a decent living and perform for spectators. China can be a cruel and harsh place for people that are different. I can only imagine the ridicule that these people must have lived with prior to coming to live in the empire. The polite applause that the crowd offered and the smiles that it put on the faces of the performers leads me to believe that these people are happy living here and don’t feel as though they are being exploited.

Regardless of whether you think they are being exploited or not, it is certainly worth the trip if you have a couple of hours to kill in Kunming. If you do stop by, say hi to The Emperor for me. If you make it there with your wife or girl friend, then he is likely to tell you repeatedly that she is “hěn piàoliang”. At least that is what he kept telling Katie.

Our first year in Shanghai

March 30, 2011 will mark our one year anniversary living in Shanghai. Thus, I thought it was appropié to write a mega-blog recapping our first year. I really can't believe we have been here for a year already. I also can't believe how many great experiences we have had in that short period of time. We are really looking forward to having a great second year as a number of our friends and relatives a scheduled to come visit. There is always a spare bedroom (or two) if you are interested.

April 2010 – I am not sure how we got through the "deer in headlights" stage without more damage being done. Katie found an amazing apartment overlooking the Nanpu Bridge and one of the few remaining "historic" parts of Shanghai. The place is less than 2 km from work, so I can either walk, take the bus, or ride my "monkey bike" (as it was named by a Chinese colleague of mine) to work each day.

In our first month we also got introduced to the Shanghai Softball League (www.softballshanghai.com). This league is a great group of guys (and a few girls), that enjoy spending Sunday's playing ball, drinking beer and being outside of the congested city. Through this group we also got introduced to Hammer's Wednesday night bowling league and a group that play dodge ball ever Thursday. Through these different leisure activities we have meet a great group of like minded individuals from all over the globe.

May 2010 – We were fortunate enough to be able to take our first trip in May. We visited the Chinese resort island of Hainan, where we stayed at the Hilton in Sanya. The Chinese claim it is the "Hawaii of China". Funny thing about most Chinese people is that they have never been outside of China, so they have no idea if it is more like Alaska, Hawaii, South Africa or Detroit. For once, the Chinese got decent information and I can attest that it is similar. I wouldn't have recommended J.J. Abrams use Sanya instead of Hawaii for the filming of Lost, but there are enough similarities in the scenery to at least say it "resembles" it.

May also was the month we began our Chinese language classes. We were very lucky and got a very nice Chinese teacher named "Rita". She is extremely patient with us and doesn't mind teaching us the same things again and again. I am still terrible at Chinese. Katie is quick to tell you that she is much better. Nothing could be more true. Fast forward to March 20, 2010 and we are sitting in a Chinese restaurant at Rita's wedding. We were one of about 10 westerners in the entire place and certainly the only Americans. Although I understood about 10% of the ceremony and festivities, it seemed as though they were not all that different than the US. There was plenty of food, booze and merriment to go around. The bride looked super nervous and host/DJ was super cheesy – even for Chinese standards.

June 2010 – The Chinese love holiday's and we love them for it. We got to spend our 2^nd holiday in China (Dragon Boat Festival) in a place I had never heard of being setting foot in China. The place is collectively called "Guilin" and, for us, consisted of our trip to Yangshuo, Longji, the Li river cruise, and the city of Guilin. We wrote a separate blog post about this, so I won't go into details. It was such an amazing place that Katie is planning on taking her brother and sister-in-law back there when they visit in May 2011.

Summer 2010 – The Summer's in Shanghai are brutal. 95 degrees with 90% humidity are not uncommon. Unlike most places, when it rains it doesn't cool anything off. It is more like adding water to the stones in a sauna. Miserable, to say the least, if you wearing anything more than a towel.

Katie had only been in Shanghai for a couple of weeks and she was already making her first trip home. I played for the Wingmen in a "Free Beer" Softball Tournament. This ended up just being a ploy to get the western team drunk so the Taiwanese team had a chance. It worked as we lost in the finals to a team that we had beaten earlier in the tournament. We also snuck in a quick visit to Macau and HK during a work trip that I had to take. Those are both nice places, but frankly lack the character and intrigue of Shanghai. I am glad I got to see them, but wouldn't go out of my way to go back.

September 2010 – September has another Chinese holiday (Mooncake Festival), so we got another chance to explore the region. This time we ventured outside of China to Vietnam. Talk about a change of pace. Katie and I joke the Hanoi is like what our friends think Shanghai is like. Personally, I think Shanghai is much more like New York City than it is most other large cities in Asia. Hanoi on the other hand, is exactly what you think it is like, only way better. The old city area has a ton of culture and very interesting city walks. The place is dirt cheap. You could get dropped off there with the monthly allowance of an American second grader and stay there for a week (with money left over). The people a very friendly and there are lots of very unique pieces of art. We picked up a pair of propaganda posters from the Vietnam War (called the "American War" by the locals). Fascinating things that depicted the opinion of the locals on the "occupation" by the Americans. Certainly not the way I remember learning about the war, but from being there, I have a feeling that both versions have a bit or truth, a bit of revisionists' history, and a whole lot of government spin. Our trip to Vietnam also included two nights on a Junk Boat in Ha Long bay. For as dirty, noisy and interesting Hanoi is. Ha Long bay is equally serene, quiet and picturesque. In our two days here we explored caves, kayaked through a national forest, and enjoyed a little peace and quiet.

October 2010 – Our first visitors arrived in the form of my brother's and Katie's dad. Katie's dad's experience was less than ideal as he came down with a nasty case of pneumonia. Blaming, probably rightfully so, on the coughing Chinese people on his flight over and didn't feel like covering their mouth or using a tissue was necessary. Nick and Patrick had a bit better of a time. Nick took a late night tour of my parents 8 apartment complexes after spending the evening with Katie and our friends at a US Pavilion Expo staff party. Patrick increase the number of professional jerseys he has to somewhere around 100. The whole group also took a tour to Beijing and Xi'an. Beijing is a place that everyone who I talk to says that they feel like they have to see if they come to China. For me, it is the one place in China that I have been that I have zero interest in going back to. The place is packed, the traffic is ridiculous, the air is disgusting, and there are only so many "palaces" that you can go to before you get a headache. I get it. China is an old place. The color red and yellow are significant. People weren't allowed into place until recently. Drive to the next place, rinse, repeat. Beijing does make a pretty mean roast duck and the Great Wall is worth seeing. Xi'an on the other hand, is worth the trip. 1, 2 days max, is definitely all you need. But seeing the terracotta warriors in all their glory is a worthwhile experience.

In October we also got introduced to a number of new friends. It seems like people in Shanghai are either coming or going (with a few "lifers" as exceptions). We were about to say goodbye to a couple that was heading back to Michigan, when a friend introduced us to another couple that lived in our same complex. Katie and Barb became quick friends after their first "play date" (as Mark and I called it). We also got to know Adam, Heather and Sunil a bit better and started hanging out with them on a regular basis. Katie has placed self-imposed restrictions on hanging out with Heather and Sunil unsupervised as she tends to end up with a headache the next morning. I'll leave it at that.

November 2010 – This was by far the quietest month for me. All I did was run a 10k (separate blog describes that process), make another trip to HK for work, and share Thanksgiving in Shanghai with friends and family. Thanksgiving wasn't so different than it was in the US. My dad and Katie prepared most of the food (and it was delicious), we all ate way too much, we sat around telling stories that we had heard before but still enjoy, and the Lions disappointed.

December 2010 – For as uneventful as November was, December was equally jam packed. I started the month by running my first (and maybe last) half marathon. At the end I was generally pleased with my time and the experience of running in China was a treat. The worst part was definitely the fact that I had an overnight flight from Shanghai to Delhi, India that same night. I am certain that I was going to be sore regardless of where I slept that night. I can't imagine that sleeping on a plane helped. The next three days I spent in Delhi, Pune and Mumbai India for business. The food in India is amazing. The people are extremely friendly. Everything else….eh…not for me. I hope India isn't on Katie's "to do" list, because it is already off of mine. At the end of December we decided to meet my brothers half-way between Shanghai and Detroit. Where is that? Well, if you take a direct flight that would technically be Alaska. Since December in Alaska didn't sound all that enticing. We fudged the math a little bit and decided on Hawaii. I won't bore you with the details, but it was a great two weeks with family and a great break from the China. So I guess I have been back to the US since arriving in China, but it was not very close to home.

January 2010 – I don't really remember most of January. I know it was cold. I know I worked a lot – although that is to be expected when you are in the accounting industry. And I know I didn't do a whole lot. Katie was very productive though. She picked up a dog from the street, domesticated it, and found it a forever home. Not bad for a couple weeks work.

February 2010 – February was a bit of bear work wise as well. The China offices were closed for a week in February for Chinese New Year. So we decided that I could either work from home or work from the beach. Katie picked the beach, so we got on a plane for the Maldives. The Iru Fushi Hilton is probably one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. The resort was just a speck in the middle of the Indian Ocean occupying the entire 2 km island that it was located on. The ocean was crystal clear. The snorkeling was really good. The food was also top notch. It is probably not a place that I will be back to due to its proximity to the rest of civilization and the cost. However, I am very grateful that I got to check it off of the bucket list.

Katie somehow squeezed another trip to Detroit in during February as well. I think at least 25 people asked me while she was gone: "Why is she going to Detroit in February? I thought everyone avoided Detroit in February". My response was "most logical people don't plan trips to Detroit in February". The usual response was a brief look of confusion, a smile, then "I see your point".

March 2010 – Although not entirely over, we have already had a busy month. Katie found a job at a place run by an expat that indicates it is "right balance between play and school". Working 5 days a week with 2-4 year olds should be something that can keep her busy, provide some value and still allow her to get in her kettleball, chinese classes, yoga classes, massages, spa treatments, and lunch with the girls. Needless to say, I am ecstatic.

I also participated in my second Japanese house ball bowling tournament. With an all expat cast of characters we were able to improve on our 3^rd place finish in the fall and finished runner's up. Our reward was a 1000 RMB gift certificate to a restaurant group and a nice "crystal" trophy. I was going to use the trophy as a gag reward that is handed out for various reasons at our Wednesday bowling league. However, Katie got one look at it and decided that we were keeping it. What she plans to do with it I have no idea.

March is a great time in Shanghai. The weather has switched over to spring. Softball started again (4-0 as of this posting). I have already played my first round of golf. And our string of visitors starts on March 21.

Year 2:

What year two will have in store is anybody's guess. A couple of things are for sure and many others are still TBD. Events in Shanghai typically get planned last minute, so it is tough to know what shenanigans will go on this year. Here is just a sample of what may lead to some good chicanery.

March 2011 – Randy arrives for a 10 day visit.

April 1 – 5, 2011 – We travel with Randy to Yunnan, China (see – the "real Shangri-la")

April 6 – 14, 2011 – Tomczyk and the Bigga Figga visit

May 11 – 18, 2011 – Katie's brother and sister-in-law visit

June 2011 – Dennis and Wendy visit?

July 2011 – Return to Detroit for Woj/Sinelli wedding

September 2011 – Return to Detroit for Petrosky/Madison wedding

October 2011 – Bali, Indonesia?

December 2011 – Fight in Brawl on the Bund (http://whitecollarboxingchina.com)?

Spring and fall are the best times to visit. We have plenty of room at our place. Katie is also an experienced tour guide at this point and loves showing people around. Just let us know if you are interested.